hello there,
i want to write a bit, it makes me feel calm.
i dont know if writing is the solution, i dont know if thinking is the solution, does there have to be a solution.
im sorry, i just want to feel. how? how do i? tell me?
but im feeling something when i write, so i come back here from time to time, a piece of home maybe. but then i get pretentious! but then i get slighly arrogant! (im not really arrogant inside, please believe me i swear) and i expect my words to be wise or deep
i just want to feel and be. just let me be. so why can i not write something stupid, or unelegant, or a thought not well-thought through, why not! why not! hey, why! who am i writing for? the crowd? the people? myself? who am i? what for? why? why?
okay now chill for a sec dude its not like its such a difficult question okay? you like feeling like you're in such a tragedy that youre seeking the unanswerable answer, but you tell the story yourself just how you want it to be. you're asking just that question to get exactly no answer it seems to me.
so im sorry! but its still like every word i write could later be something i show to my girlfriend and also perhaps the great humanity out there that was, of course, just waiting to hear what i, the great merlin, was about to say, like they had nothing better to do.
just let me be. how. just let me be. it hurts to be expecting that much, it hurts to be your own crowd. i mean okay its not that bad, its pretty much just what it is, its just what im experiencing, its my own little tragedy – and there we have it again! now this is the tragedy im telling myself, the tragedy of he who did not choose to be in the tragedy, and no im not being overdramatic but a little bit, yea, like pretending to be a bit more than i actually am.
i dont know what love is. i dont know who i love. i dont know why i love. i want to love my girlfriend. how do i do that. just how.
whatever, just write. its okay. you dont need to be so much, things are not as great as they seem. be yourself before you're great.
dududu