apparently im rejecting dualistic thoughts, good and bad, and try to avoid them. probably its a misunderstanding of zen teachings that we should not categorize, probably my western mind hears their words and interprets them as “you should/ you should not”. but i also kind of dont know if they really are as nondualistic as they say.i feel like maybe they have that dualistic stuff hidden somewhere. but its exactly that practise to try to “clean”? no thats maybe not how to view it. its to feel what you feel and be present. thats the practise and its practise.
its really confusing sometimes. what am i even doing all of this for. why. to end my suffering? but isnt exactly letting suffering happen which ends it? its appears to be a paradox. also in the tao te ching they say when you give up everything you will have everything. with what motivation do you give up? to get everything? then you have not given up. how do you do that?