and now i feel this again, a longing feeling of wanting to be somewhere else. right now i just want to have more direct experiences, not so much thinking, not so much experiencing and talking through the internet, but actually talking with people and being there. im just not going “all-in”, i dont want to take the risk of maybe embarrasing myself when im out there, but i think i should! i feel like this is what humans do, theyre not going “all-in” (because thats also a bit risky) but staying where its safe: inside their rooms, inside their own beliefs (not listening to others) or inside societal roles (being “cool”, being “responsible”, ...., not caring about “weird” or “other” people).
i just want to go out and stop coding. idk why but i seem to not like coding and computers so much because i fear being isolated from society. but i can just go out, it doesnt have to be right now tho. im also a bit ungeduldig sometimes or at least now, i can be a bit more geduldig. because i will have a nice experience with laura and matt and one of his friends in italy and it will be a novel experience and probably really cool, which feels a bit more like “real living”. so right now i can deal with this fear of isolation which in itself is just okay, and start coding because i also love coding and virtual realities and all that stuff right now. nows the time to code (the weather is also not so nice), and the time for going out will come soon, too.
tho its also friday night and i kinda want to go to the city and do cool stuff too. but not alone (or maybe alone?), but i will go with friends or something idk bye